Friday, March 4, 2011

Echo

When you stand at the edge of a gorge the size of the Grand Canyon and shout out "Hello!" you will hear a response. Someone will call back "HELLO! HEllo! hellooooooooo"
The familiar echo of your own voice.

So maybe I am typing on my computer keyboard and hoping I will not simply hear an echo this time around. I hope someone is on the receiving end of this delayed message and will shout back!

It has been a long time since I blogged. Why? Well... can I shoot straight with you? Get real with ya? Here's the deal -

If there is such a thing as soul searching - then I have been on an intensive hunt. My soul wasn't missing, but my passion has been. I put out an all points bulletin to seek to locate the passion that escaped. It has made me scratch my head and interrogate my heart for answers - minus the need for a bright light and an officer who smells of a blend of cigarettes and strong coffee.

I am still asking questions and God is never afraid of a single one of them. And if anyone is listening anymore - then I'm glad you're here. Really, I am . Maybe we can compare internal war stories.

Could it be this comes with turning 40 and coming to the realization that I am, in the best case scenerio, in the middle of life's journey? Maybe so. Whatever the case, I am looking at where I have been and asking God for wisdom to increase in my life so that I can make the most of each breath on the road to where I'm going.

For a time I lost sense of my own voice. My echo started to sound like other great women of the faith. I felt compelled to recreate what was already working in ministry. What made perfect sense. What looked logical from the outside. BUT I was failing to be the AUTHENTIC woman God created me to be. To fully run the race maked out for my own size 8 feet. I wasted a couple wonderful years trying to squeeze my size 8's into a cute and trendy size 6. God forbid that I continue down this dreadful path. That any of us are anything less than the real thing God meant for us, as his unique child, to be. Christendom already has an Ann Grahm Lots and a Beth Moore. God is in the one-of-a-kind business. The world has enough copy cats.

But it will never have another me. Another YOU. And we need to embrace the real me - the real YOU - that God made and God loves and God called.

So, forgive my silence while searching. I am still at work. God and I are wrestling together. God is racking up all the points in this match, but I am being shaped. Redefined. Strengthened.
Transformed to mirror only One - Him.

So Hello! Hello! Hello again! :)

3 comments:

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Welcome back! Truly the world does have enough copy cats. It is a seductive lie of Satan that we all need to be Beth Moores or Ann Graham Lotz or Point of Grace or whomeever..It is a stinkin' lie. God only created one of them and one of me and the world shouts a loud hallelujah about that.

Turning 40 is a bit sobering. I'm going through the same thing as I realize that I am closer to 50 than to 40 these days. My mortality weighs heavily on me and most of me just wishes Jesus would come on so i would not have to go through the getting old thing. It truly is one of the few things I fear.

Praying that you will rest in His arms as you walk out His plan for YOU!!

Leah

Jeanne said...

Hellooooooooo, precious friend! I do so love to read your words! I'm glad you're back. And boy, do I have some internal war stories to share with you. I was crazy enough to think the wrestling....at least the hard stuff....might be over. Did I ever have that one wrong!! Can't wait for coffee and catch up. It'll be here SOON! Eeek!!!! Love and miss you!

Jessica said...

i looked you up. . . .i was trying to find some of the speakers at the mission get-together in gatlinburg this weekend, and i found your blog!! can't wait to read more about you!!!!

see you this weekend!!!
jessica