When you stand at the edge of a gorge the size of the Grand Canyon and shout out "Hello!" you will hear a response. Someone will call back "HELLO! HEllo! hellooooooooo"
The familiar echo of your own voice.
So maybe I am typing on my computer keyboard and hoping I will not simply hear an echo this time around. I hope someone is on the receiving end of this delayed message and will shout back!
It has been a long time since I blogged. Why? Well... can I shoot straight with you? Get real with ya? Here's the deal -
If there is such a thing as soul searching - then I have been on an intensive hunt. My soul wasn't missing, but my passion has been. I put out an all points bulletin to seek to locate the passion that escaped. It has made me scratch my head and interrogate my heart for answers - minus the need for a bright light and an officer who smells of a blend of cigarettes and strong coffee.
I am still asking questions and God is never afraid of a single one of them. And if anyone is listening anymore - then I'm glad you're here. Really, I am . Maybe we can compare internal war stories.
Could it be this comes with turning 40 and coming to the realization that I am, in the best case scenerio, in the middle of life's journey? Maybe so. Whatever the case, I am looking at where I have been and asking God for wisdom to increase in my life so that I can make the most of each breath on the road to where I'm going.
For a time I lost sense of my own voice. My echo started to sound like other great women of the faith. I felt compelled to recreate what was already working in ministry. What made perfect sense. What looked logical from the outside. BUT I was failing to be the AUTHENTIC woman God created me to be. To fully run the race maked out for my own size 8 feet. I wasted a couple wonderful years trying to squeeze my size 8's into a cute and trendy size 6. God forbid that I continue down this dreadful path. That any of us are anything less than the real thing God meant for us, as his unique child, to be. Christendom already has an Ann Grahm Lots and a Beth Moore. God is in the one-of-a-kind business. The world has enough copy cats.
But it will never have another me. Another YOU. And we need to embrace the real me - the real YOU - that God made and God loves and God called.
So, forgive my silence while searching. I am still at work. God and I are wrestling together. God is racking up all the points in this match, but I am being shaped. Redefined. Strengthened.
Transformed to mirror only One - Him.
So Hello! Hello! Hello again! :)